why is it so hard??...

i would like to know why is it so hard to forget you. you are not even the guy i always dreamth of liking. i knew you for some time but i was never close to you. this is the year when you and i became close friends. but still, i never imagined falling for you. yet now, here i am, liking you. sometimes i want to forget you but for some reason it's so hard. though i think now i know why forgetting you is not as easy as it was forgetting all those other guys. you were never the guy of my dreams. sure you are older than me and your tall but you are not as hot as all the other guys. i have no idea how i fell for you. somehow i find you cute in your own way. you are very understanding and caring. but i still want to forget you as i know we could never be together. i know that you only think of me as a friend and nothing more. thats the main reason i want to forget you. because remembering you is very painful and depressing. yet i can't stop thinking about you. maybe it's the fact that i see you every week and we would talk atleast once a week. i love your smile and your laugh. but i think you would never like me because sometimes you think im too childish which is true. you might also find me too messed up for you. maybe even too random and annoying. but that's the way i am. i dont really know how to change that. i really like you but i dont see the point in liking you. i think you are the first person i really like that comes from the heart. because you are so different from all those other guys. part of me wants to forget you but part of me doesn't. please help me. i really want to tell you the truth. i've been lying to you too much already. i want you to know how i feel but im too afraid of what you'll think. im afraid that you might break my heart when you say that you don't feel the same way. sometimes i wish i could just fly up in the sky like a bird without a care in the world. that way i won't have to think about you. i won't have to go through the heart ache. but i'm not a bird. i am not capable of flying high up in the sky on my own. im not capable of not having a single care in this world. i'm human just like you. i have to care in this world just like you. i have to have heart ache just like you did when you broke up with your ex. i guess that's life. you win some and you lose some. i really hope i don't lose you. even if i have to continue lying to you just so that we can remain as friends, i would. i would rather go through the pain alone than losing you forever. losing a loved one is always the hardest thing. i don't want that. though i wish that someday you would realise it yourself. you would figure out that the person i am always talking to you about is you. and when you do figure it out, i wish that you would not break my heart. but rather you would continue making me happy. you would continue cheering me up. you would never forget me no matter what...