sigh...

you know what? you are really giving me mixed signals... and its really depressing... i feel like you're playing with my feelings... and you know that... yet you don't care... you told me the other day that you were not with her and you were never with her... but now it looks like you will be with her soon... just 1 day after you told me that you were not with her, i saw you with her... doing what also i don't know... i forced myself to not look at you... and about 80% of the time you were with her... yes i admit im a lil jealous even though i told you that i got over you... i did actually but not completely... im still working on that... but you are just making it so damn hard... you are so hard to forget... why also i don't know... please stop giving me mixed signals... you're really making me depressed... somethimes i just feel like jumping off a tall building... sigh...

someone please help me... :(

typical friday...

oh gosh... i am so damn freaking tired... don't know why...
anyway... day went like this...;

moral/bimb - did nothing as usual...

science - learnt about current and voltage and resistence... and "sexy buttocks"... lmao

pj - learnt how to pitch for sofball... according to intan i can pitch... but my technique is more for baseball not sofball... i just can't seem to spin my hand backwards... i always go forward... thats why the ball always goes too high... so un-sofball-ish...

science (again) - almost fell asleep in class... did an experiment... if im not mistaken, it was a failure... my group spent 15 minutes just looking for the apparatus... then something was not quite right with the readings... it was all almost the same... sigh...

kh - i could just kill that woman... first she tells us something... then she tells us something else... then she starts scolding us when she only said the wrong thing earlier... and when we gave the right answer, she said it was wrong and started her nagging all over again... then she told us the answer which was what we told her in the first place... damn pissed man... but div was the best lah... she doesn't give a crap whether that woman hears div swearing at her... damn funny but at the same time scary...
ahh well... can't really do much about that... she'll always be like that... guess i'll just have to live with it... sigh... i just hope that tomorrow will be better...

day 4 of intervensi 3

science - how the heck would i know how it went??!! i did not take the paper...

did not go to school today... still not feeling well... still having cough, flu, sore throat and fever... only reason im blogging now is cause im so bored... i hate being sick...:(

day 3 of intervensi 3...

geo - was ok i guess... don't know really... didn't pay attention

sej - don't know cause i did not pay attention... just wanted to finish the paper as fast as possible and go home...

not feeling too well... having cough, flu, sore throat and fever... thats why i couldn't pay attention or stay focus during the papers... :(

now im waiting for my dad to come home with dinner so that i can take my meds...

just one more paper and i can rest properly... science paper 2... thats all... i'll be free at about 9.30 am or 10 am tomorrow...not sure...

day 2 of intervensi 3...

wow... i think this week everyone can die adi...

english was urm ... i dont know really...

maths paper 1 was kinda ok... i could answer atleast 75% of the questions without "tembak-ing"...

maths paper 2... OMG... I COULD FREAKING DIE!!!! I WANT TO GO AND BURN THAT DARN PAPER!!!

it was harder than anyone expected... we're all going to die... got PTI for this exam... i can just imagine what my teacher is telling my father about my results... "it's getting worst... she better start bucking up real soon or else..." well i don't think she would put it in those words but still...

sigh...

day one of intervensi 3...
did not go so well...
bm paper 1... when i looked at question 1 itself, i was like "omg... i am so dead..." i didn't expect it to be so damn hard.

kh paper 1 ( the only paper )... well atleast it was better than the bm paper... though i did "tembak" almost all the bengkel questions...

bm paper 2... again "omg... i can die..." but on the bright side, atleast i read a little on meniti kaca so i could answer the komsas question. i only hope i answered it correctly...

tomorrow is english and maths... maths is my weakest subject... well i better go and do some exercises if i atleast want to get a C for this test...

why is it so hard??...

i would like to know why is it so hard to forget you. you are not even the guy i always dreamth of liking. i knew you for some time but i was never close to you. this is the year when you and i became close friends. but still, i never imagined falling for you. yet now, here i am, liking you. sometimes i want to forget you but for some reason it's so hard. though i think now i know why forgetting you is not as easy as it was forgetting all those other guys. you were never the guy of my dreams. sure you are older than me and your tall but you are not as hot as all the other guys. i have no idea how i fell for you. somehow i find you cute in your own way. you are very understanding and caring. but i still want to forget you as i know we could never be together. i know that you only think of me as a friend and nothing more. thats the main reason i want to forget you. because remembering you is very painful and depressing. yet i can't stop thinking about you. maybe it's the fact that i see you every week and we would talk atleast once a week. i love your smile and your laugh. but i think you would never like me because sometimes you think im too childish which is true. you might also find me too messed up for you. maybe even too random and annoying. but that's the way i am. i dont really know how to change that. i really like you but i dont see the point in liking you. i think you are the first person i really like that comes from the heart. because you are so different from all those other guys. part of me wants to forget you but part of me doesn't. please help me. i really want to tell you the truth. i've been lying to you too much already. i want you to know how i feel but im too afraid of what you'll think. im afraid that you might break my heart when you say that you don't feel the same way. sometimes i wish i could just fly up in the sky like a bird without a care in the world. that way i won't have to think about you. i won't have to go through the heart ache. but i'm not a bird. i am not capable of flying high up in the sky on my own. im not capable of not having a single care in this world. i'm human just like you. i have to care in this world just like you. i have to have heart ache just like you did when you broke up with your ex. i guess that's life. you win some and you lose some. i really hope i don't lose you. even if i have to continue lying to you just so that we can remain as friends, i would. i would rather go through the pain alone than losing you forever. losing a loved one is always the hardest thing. i don't want that. though i wish that someday you would realise it yourself. you would figure out that the person i am always talking to you about is you. and when you do figure it out, i wish that you would not break my heart. but rather you would continue making me happy. you would continue cheering me up. you would never forget me no matter what...